ENTRIES ARCHIVES PROFILE AFFILIATES

Is Something Wrong?.
Thursday, February 26, 2009

Hmm, belated happy 1 year 3 month dear. (: Love you loads. Dear seems weird today. Don't know why also. Felt that there's distance between us. Did i do something wrong? I really don't know. Need to change myself le. My behaviour, my action, my words. Everything i do seems to make dear feel weird in the public. Sorry dear. Will let you see a brand new me soon.

But it'll take me some time to do that, please give me some time okay? Will do my best in changing myself. I also wants to change myself. Cause the me now is like so weird. Don't know why either. Shall end here. Buais, love you dear.

signing off.
N.boy (:
20:47pm
26.02.09
Sorry Girl.
Tuesday, February 24, 2009

Hais. Till now she's still sick, and haven't recover yet. One after another. Hais. And in the end, I still fail to be a boyfriend of her. Didn't do my part of taking care of her, but only let her become sicker and sicker. Sorry. Can't be by your side all the time. Can't be like other boyfriend. When you're sick, I can't be by your side, taking care of you. When you're having nightmare, I'm not there for you. When you're feeling cold, I'm not there to keep you warmth. When you're hungry, I'm not there to bring you food. When you need me the most, I'm also not there. All I do is only making you more worry, more sad, more hurt. Sorry. I'm still not a good boyfriend afterall. Tomorrow is 1 year 3 month le, but I still didn't do all of the above. You never fail to forgive my mistake. I really feel your love, you kindness, you cuteness, your clumsiness, your foolishness, your warmth. You've done alot alot of things for me, but I did none.

Sorry. I should be the worst boyfriend in this world bahr? I know you won't leave me no matter what happen. Many people told me bad things about you. Say you maybe having other boyfriend that's why always can't meet. I never once believe them. For I trust you. Maybe I've yet to gain you trust fully. But will continue to gain your trust. Many things happen since 25 Nov 07, the day we're together. Though it took us one day to know each other, one day to be together. But it'll take us one life time to love each other. Army life is just a year or so from now. During army life, alot alot of things will happen. Though I told you, we'll engaged when you're 18 years old. But frankly speaking, I don't to do that.

I know you won't change you love for me. But I want you to think carefully, marriage isn't something to joke around. I know you've made your decision le. But I want you to meet more poeple, and to give yourself more choices. Army life is 2 years. And I hope after 2 years of my army life, you'll make the right decision. Maybe in the end, the decision isn't me, it maybe somebody else. But I won't regret. Cause you've found the right guy. I'll be happy for you de. And if that's the case, I want to thank you. Thank you for loving me, thank you for letting to love you. Thank you for the everything you've done for me.

During army life, there isn't any chance for me to change heart. Cause for the whole of 2 years. I'll be meeting guys only. So it's very impossible for me change to heart. Hehes. But I hope you'll wait for me. I want to be with. Want to marry you. Remember I told you I want 5 kids from you? Hehes. If can't so many, 2 also can la. Hehes. But in the final decision will still lie on you. I'm sure there'll be people wooing you de. It's your choice whether to give them this chance anot. But no matter what your decision are., please let me know? Can? Maybe saying all this is too early. Or you may think I'm still young, and it's just a childish thoughts. But I'm soon to be a 19 years old guy le. So it's not a child thinking or talking now. I'm a young adult le. So I means what i say.

In my heart, I want our relationship to last long. I never want to leave you nor want you to leave me. But if you really want to leave, I won't stop. Not because I don't love you anymore, it's because I want you to be happy.Want you to find your true love and happiness. Lastly before I end today's post, I want to tell you. I love you. There'll be this day where I'll ask you to be my wife de. The ring which cost me $399 isn't given just for show. I'm willingly to give you such an expensive ring is because I want to let you know. You're very important to me. I love Kerryn Lim. (: Muacks.

Signing off.
N.Boy (:
23:30pm
24.02.09
.
Sunday, February 22, 2009

Hmm, just now i was so scare-d los! Nabei! Went to geylang to explore as I wanted to know what are the lion dance troupe at there. Then walk-ed dao this troupe and stay-ed awhile as i wanted to see their things. As I was quite interested in that troupe the things. Then after that jiu left le. Then this particular person keep following me los. Nabei. And follow me quite a few streets. And lost him le. After that when I going explore finish le. He appeared again, and right beside me! Scare dao me sio. Then I jiu walked super fast. Then he like call me, but I didn't answer. Then intend to take bus de. But then bus ran, s cab-ed back to aunty house. Chua sia los! First time so scare sia. Don't know what i do los. Also never diao him, never do what to him. KNS!

Without dear by my side, I really felt so lonely. Hais. Miss her alot. She's like having some problem but lke don't want let me know like that. She's still sick, so worry for her. Don't know when then she'll be healthier. Hmm. Still haven't found a job yet eh, sians diao los. Don't know what to work either. Hais. Scare once i work jiu got no time pei dear le. Hmm. Sians. It's been a long since I really go out with her le. 1 year 3 month coming le, but can't celebrate cause i study dao 5pm, plus need go sintua. Cause chu yi. Sorry sorry. But 1 year 4 month should be able to celebrate with you. Cause I holiday le ma. Hehes. (:

I guess you also will feel the same as way as I do bahr? Weekends can't meet, then see other couple together, will feel abit sour sour in the heart bahr? Please please don't blame yourself. Alright? It's isn't your fault. It's just because we don't want to take the risk only. I really don't want disappoint him. Cause told him won't let him disappointed le. So somehow must do that, not just for him, but also for our future. Don't want to ruin everthing under my hand. Every steps we walk together, was never an easy one. It need alot of effort to do that. There's still many obsticle, many problems for us to overcome and for to solve.

Let us walk on and hang on. Don't give up easily dear. And most importantly, please take care of your health. You've been really weak nowadays, plus the weather isn't good also. So please take good care of yourself. Don't starve yourself also. Hais. It's hurtful to see you suffering. I love you.

Signing off.
N.boy (:
20:01pm
22.02.09
.
Thursday, February 19, 2009

In the end, she still doesn't trust me. Hais. She's not been feeling for quite some time already, don't know what's happening to her. She say she know the reason, but she still kept it to herself. Not letting me know. She told her best friend, her ex but not me. Hmm. Can't blame her, and I won't blame her. Cause there's still a fear in her. A fear she'll not forget, a scar that's being left being, a deep scar. No matter how hard I try to mend or cover the scar. It still doesn't work. A Scar is a scar. Nothing can be done to cover. I wanted to know what's the reason badly, but still she doesn't say. She don't want me to worry. But she worry me more this way. Something I can only when it's the worst time. She still can't open her heart to me. She doesn't know how to do that. Tried my best to open her up. But nothing work. Hmm. Shall contiune trying, I'm sure one of this days she'll open up to me slowly. Time isn't a problem for me. But don't know if it's enough not. Maybe to her, I'm still an outsider or something. Alot of things she doesn't want to share to me. And alot of things she kept it from me. Only when i realise thing's wrong then she'll say if not I've found out myself.

Can only blame myself, not able to gain her trust, not able to open her heart to me, not able to let her have confidence on me. I really don't want anything to happen to her. Told her before, I won't let her leave before me. I'll want and wish to exchange her life with me. Let me suffer, let me have all the sickness. And let her be healthy and happy. Even if I have to die. I also will. She asked me, what will i do if a girl die for me. Told her, depend on who, what situation. But if the girl is her, then i won't allow. I won't let her die for me. Instead I'll die for her. I can let her do whatever she want, but if it's talking about life, then I'll need to do something.

Dear, remember you've baby eh, I'm here to share your everything with you, either sorrow or happiness. Feel free to tell me anythings, I can be your dustbin, throw your sorrow to me. I'll keep it for you. Okay? Let your anger, your unhappines all out. If you want, I'll be your punching bag. Hit me if you want. Do what you want to me. I won't fight back. For you're my girlfriend, my life, my everyhing. Really can't afford to lose you. Hais. I love you.

Signing off.
N.Boy (:
12:04am
20.02.09
(:.
Tuesday, February 17, 2009

Hmm. It's Long Since I Last Post. Due To Lion Dance And Sintua. Everything End On Sunday. Hahas. Everything Is Done Well I Can Say? Hahas. Finally Can Take A Little Break Le. Hahas. Celebrated Valentine With Dear And Her Family, First Time Wors. Hahas. Had Dinner With Her Family. Hahas. Can Say That Everythint Went Smoothly Bahr? Now We Don't Need Hide Here Hide There Le. So Happy. (:

Have Been Waiting For This Day For Very Long Le. Everything Had Paid Off. (: Hope He Let Dear Go Out More Often, Especially On Weekend. Hahas. Don't Need To Be So Stress Anymore Le. Hahas. Bought A Big Teddy Bear Plus Flower For Dear. Can Say It's The First Time I Give My Girl Flower Eh. Hahas.

Now Must Study Le. Exam Is Less Then 1 Month Time. Can't Play Le, After That Need Find A Job Le. Can't Idle Around Doing Nothing Le. Can't Afford To Waste Time Le. Need Alot Alot Money. Sians. Hope Can Get A Decent Job Asap. Hmm. Shall End Here.

I Love You,
25 Nov 07,
00:55

Signing Off.
N.Boy (:
10:47am
17.02.09
tired!!!.
Sunday, February 8, 2009

been quite busy with lion dance and sintua nowadays, tired tired! didn't have time to pei girlfriend. sians. sorry dear. really very tired. sians. really need to have a good rest after everything finish. sians. but not for long, cause need to prepare for he quan big day also. sians diao.

got many things to say my girl. but don't know start from where. sians. girl, don't scare. baby is here for you. nothing to be scare about. i know i seldom pei you le. but don't worry. once my thing is over, i'll pei you as much as i can de. okay? love you.

nothing to blog le. sians.

signing off.
N.boy (:
20:39pm
080109
sigh.
Tuesday, February 3, 2009

hais. what had happened? we seem so cold recently. a coldness i once had before. the distance between us, is like getting further and further. i never try to leave you. i wanted you so much. but things i'd done in the past. make you have doubt on me. i try to tell you. but words were never enough. time between us is just too less.

i'll try my best, just to clear all you doubt on me. never will i leave you. i won't promise. i'll prove it to you. time is alli needed. i just hope you don't hurt yourself. take care of yourself. the history will not repeat again. i won't be like him, left you because of a girl. i almost become him, but i controlled myself. so i won't do it again.

hurts is what you received, regrets is what i had. pain is what your heart feel. i made scar in your hurt. i know it'll not heal. it'll always be there. but i didn't mean it. i love you. and i really do. but i don't know how to let you know. i wasn't there for you when you need me badly. i wasn't there when your tears came down, i wasn't there when you're lonely and scare.

i'm sorry. i wanted to be there. but i'm busy nowadays. the fear in you is becoming bigger. but don't be afraid. i'll not let the history repeat once more. i'll be with you. and just you. there won't be another girl for me. even if there's. that girl won't love me as much as you do. i don't care if there's any more better for me. i just want to be with you.

life will be black and white without you. he's like getting to accept me le. so i won't give up. walked so far, just wanted him to accept me. i want to be with you. want you to be my wife. i don't expect more. life will be just enough with you. trust me. i'll prove it to you. will show you what i say is true. i love you. sleep well girl. don't think too much. i love you.

lastly belated happy birthday to you. i fail to accompany you. i let you down. i made you cry badly. hais. sorry. don't know what to say. but please forgive me. i love you loads.

signing off.
N.Boy ):
21:30pm
03.02.09