It's where it begins .

Thursday, February 19, 2009

In the end, she still doesn't trust me. Hais. She's not been feeling for quite some time already, don't know what's happening to her. She say she know the reason, but she still kept it to herself. Not letting me know. She told her best friend, her ex but not me. Hmm. Can't blame her, and I won't blame her. Cause there's still a fear in her. A fear she'll not forget, a scar that's being left being, a deep scar. No matter how hard I try to mend or cover the scar. It still doesn't work. A Scar is a scar. Nothing can be done to cover. I wanted to know what's the reason badly, but still she doesn't say. She don't want me to worry. But she worry me more this way. Something I can only when it's the worst time. She still can't open her heart to me. She doesn't know how to do that. Tried my best to open her up. But nothing work. Hmm. Shall contiune trying, I'm sure one of this days she'll open up to me slowly. Time isn't a problem for me. But don't know if it's enough not. Maybe to her, I'm still an outsider or something. Alot of things she doesn't want to share to me. And alot of things she kept it from me. Only when i realise thing's wrong then she'll say if not I've found out myself.

Can only blame myself, not able to gain her trust, not able to open her heart to me, not able to let her have confidence on me. I really don't want anything to happen to her. Told her before, I won't let her leave before me. I'll want and wish to exchange her life with me. Let me suffer, let me have all the sickness. And let her be healthy and happy. Even if I have to die. I also will. She asked me, what will i do if a girl die for me. Told her, depend on who, what situation. But if the girl is her, then i won't allow. I won't let her die for me. Instead I'll die for her. I can let her do whatever she want, but if it's talking about life, then I'll need to do something.

Dear, remember you've baby eh, I'm here to share your everything with you, either sorrow or happiness. Feel free to tell me anythings, I can be your dustbin, throw your sorrow to me. I'll keep it for you. Okay? Let your anger, your unhappines all out. If you want, I'll be your punching bag. Hit me if you want. Do what you want to me. I won't fight back. For you're my girlfriend, my life, my everyhing. Really can't afford to lose you. Hais. I love you.

Signing off.
N.Boy (:
12:04am
20.02.09

Thursday, February 19, 2009